This is part 8 of 8 in a series on what
the bible says concerning divorce and remarriage. For the other posts see here:
We’ve gone down a rather long
road of examining the significant biblical passages concerning how a Christian
should think about divorce and remarriage. Genesis 1:27 and 2:24 tell us that
the fundamental design of humanity is to enact God’s rule and authority through
a unified community. The building block of human community is the marital
relationship between husband and wife, who are to be completely unified – “one
flesh” – in every aspect of life. The relationship is hardly mystical but
rather to be nurtured, developed, and protected. Exodus 21:10-11 and
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 are provisions within the Law of Moses concerning divorce
that are regulatory for marital relationships and assume the possibility of
relational breakdown. Thus the Law is good (Rom. 7:12) but doesn’t redeem
humanity. In the gospels we find that Jesus comes to demand a righteousness
higher than the Law, to which the Law pointed (Matthew 5). In stark contrast to
the Jewish leaders who operated from the framework of what the Law permitted,
Jesus demanded perfection, harkening back to the perfect creation order of the
beginning. At the same time, demand is not case law and Jesus did not address
the “what-ifs” of everyday life in this broken world. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul applies
Jesus’ demands to a church whose clamoring for personal status within the
church affected their marital relationships and draws inferences to address
specific concerns. In Romans Paul uses general principles of marriage to
demonstrate God’s immeasurable grace in Christ Jesus and in 1 Timothy and Titus
he insists upon a measure of faithfulness among leaders in the church.
What we have found is that in
the post death-and-resurrection-of-Jesus era in which Christians live, we live
by a standard to which the Law provides a guide (Rom. 15:4) but is not the
final arbiter in every circumstance. Rather, the Holy Spirit is our ultimate
guide, showing us how to act within the fallen structures of this world while
living out Jesus’ extreme demands. We are to strive to gain knowledge and
wisdom to seek and discern God’s will in every situation (Rom. 12:2, Phil. 1:
9-11, Col. 1:9-11).
So, in the practical world,
is it acceptable to divorce your spouse if he/she has cheated on you? Perhaps.
Just because it’s “allowed” in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 doesn’t mean it’s an
acceptable solution in every instance. We often read it as if it’s merely our choice rather than being
required. That’s precisely the type of thinking Jesus condemns. What if it’s an
only instance and the spouse genuinely repents and seeks forgiveness and
restoration? There may be a circumstance where automatic divorce is not the
right thing to do even if “allowed” by Scripture. Despite the pain, suffering,
and distrust caused, there may exist a future complete reconciliation that
would make the marriage that much stronger and healthier, creating a higher
good than what could have been thought possible - God can do that. That may
only be the very rare occasion though. An ounce of discernment given a certain set
of circumstances may determine that divorce is simply the best alternative. In
all cases, prayer is necessary.
What about abandonment? In
most cases the obvious thing to do is to formally divorce, especially to avoid
legal repercussions that are exigent today that weren’t in Jesus’ day. But
maybe not, given a certain set of circumstances. In all cases, prayer is
necessary.
What about neglect or abuse?
What about physical abuse versus mental or emotional abuse? I think a guiding
principle in all considerations of divorce is to what degree the marital
relationship or covenant has been severed by a spouse’s action. Where there
should exist some degree of love, instead becomes an outlet of hatred and anger[i].
Often destructive tendencies need to be halted by divorce, which indeed may be
the loving thing to do to prevent a spouse’s abusive tendencies from destroying
him or herself or the spouse being abused. Sometimes it’s best to consider how
abusive behavior affects or distorts the children’s understanding of what is
acceptable behavior and what sort of repercussions may be had in each child’s
life by having abusive role models. There may be many other considerations. As
always, prayer is necessary.
And remarriage after divorce?
My exploration of all the relevant biblical passages shows that there is little
warrant, generally speaking, for restrictions on remarriage after a justified
divorce has taken place (in fact 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 & 15 positively
indicate otherwise). This is not withstanding practical cautionary considerations and the
realization that God enables anyone whom he wills to be single. Again,
sensitivity and discernment (and prayer) are required for the individual
circumstances. But sadly many today feel that while divorce may be acceptable
at times, remarriage crosses an unforgivable line. This oftentimes results in
unnecessary hurt and negligence of those who have been unfairly wronged by
divorce in their past or rightly escaped abuse by divorce and are seeking, or
simply find themselves in a new relationship – one in which they can be loved
and edified, enabling them to function as God intended for them.
[i] An excellent analysis of mental and emotional
abuse can be found here: http://eaandfaith.blogspot.com/2005/02/silent-killer-of-christian-marriages.html.
